she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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