So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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