do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
