mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
