Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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