??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Randomize
