Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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