I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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