It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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