Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
