dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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