I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize