you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
