Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
