I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
