I can tuck mytits in my pants
I will die if light touches me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
