The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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