Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
