so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
