she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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