I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
