The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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