He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
