um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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