Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
