At least make sure they are 18
Why
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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