last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
