my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
