well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize