I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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