So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
