You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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