Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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