Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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