Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize