i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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