I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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