We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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