My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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