i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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