Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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