i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
