I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So vagazzling was a success
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
