I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What drink are we having for lunch?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
