How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
