Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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