we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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