listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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