TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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