I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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