I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
