i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
