Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
