Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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