She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
