Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
