I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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