When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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