Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
