It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
