If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She bit a glass in half.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
