Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
