i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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